Talks, Shocks, Making Up and Making Out
by kakashidiot
Summary: ShuueiKouyuu, KijinReishin. In which Kouyuu gets THE TALK, Shouka gets TMI, Reishin gets ANNOYED and Shuuei gets a SCOLDING. RandR! Rated for Mature content! YAOI!


**_I do not own Saiunkoku Monogatari._**

**_It belongs to Yura Kairi._**

**_For Nizlaili._**

**_Pairing: Shuuei/Kouyuu. Kijin/Reishin._**

**_WARNING: GRAPHIC TALK ABOUT YAOI SEX!!!!!!!! YAOI!!!!!!!!!!! Some swearing and other adult situations. YOU'VE BEEN WARNED!_**

**_Read and REVIEW!!!!!!!!!_**

**_aniue: brother_**

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Talks, Shocks, Making Up and Out

**In Which Kouyuu Gets THE TALK, Reishin is PUT OUT, Shouka gets TMI and Shuuei nearly loses his LIFE**

_Yes_, Reishin decided with the snap of his fan. _Something was VERY wrong_.

Not that Reishin made a habit of thinking about other people (much less their welfare) -

_Well... Aniue is the only worthy person in this world... The rest... are idiots. Like that dolt who thought making advances on Kijin would get him up the ladder of success. Does he not realize Kijin is MINE? But then... Aniue told me to show mercy. Aniue is too kind - I wonder... what should I bring as a gift tonight?_

Reishin blushed in anticipation of the next visit to the run-down mansion, which Shouka called home.

Now that Shuurei had left for Brown Province, he could visit his older brother as much as he wanted!

Not that his darling niece's departure was an occasion for happiness either...

Reishin wondered why the gods couldn't just do their job properly - he'd paid them enough for sure...

_If I had my way - they'd be fired - the way thing's have been going..._

And it wasn't just the bets placed by the Elders and the Ran clan on who'd show the most sorrow about the Kou princess' absence: Kou Reishin or the young Emperor.

That was an indignity soon fixed...

_No. _

_Back to the matter at hand..._

_Not that he CARED._

_No. Not at all._

It was just that Kouyuu was one of the foundations of the palace administration. Although the idea that the country's order rested on the well-being of a clumsy, perpetually lost young man... seemed... extreme...

To Reishin, it made perfect sense. Which made the situation even more dire.

_If Kouyuu is put out of comission -_

_That means..._

_Horror -_

_More work for me!_

Reishin glared at the back of his adopted son's head.

_What's he been doing? Taking riding lessons with Ran Shuuei? Or trying (yet again) to learn some sword techniques with the Generals? Or some sort of sport? When will the boy ever learn -_

Reishin's hands tightened as realization hit him.

_Riding lessons with Ran Shuuei. Riding lessons indeed..._

His eyes narrowed with suspicion.

_Well founded suspicion_, he told himself. _When have I ever been wrong? _

He thought about THAT question for several minutes.

_No... I'm never wrong._

_It seems impossible... but... maybe..._

_Or maybe not._

_But if it's true... If I'm correct (and I'm always correct)..._

_THAT. MAN. IS. DEAD!_

But how to broach it. Reishin rose up and made a bee-line to the door.

Kijin would help.

For the sake of his child, he, Reishin would sacrifice his pride and -

The heroic image evaporated as he realized Kouyuu was hobbling over his way.

"Is there anything I can do for you?" he asked, teeth gritted.

"Not at all," Reishin snapped, unsure of what to say, and feeling very angry for being put in such an embarassing position. "It's almost lunchtime - and I think a visit to Kou Kijin is in order."

Kouyuu nodded mutely in the face of his father's extreme haughtiness, bowed slowly and painfully, gritting out, "I'll be with the Emperor if you need me."

Both stomped off in opposite directions.

-

It took Kouyuu fifteen minutes to suddenly remember that it was THREE O'CLOCK in the AFTERNOON; it took him forty-five minutes to find the Emperor's office and twenty minutes to expend his rage in front of a blase Shuuei and whimpering Ryuuki.

-

Kijin was in. He sighed at the sight of Reishin's thunderous face - and the death glares he gave everyone else in the room.

"I think it's time for a tea break," he pronounced.

Everyone fled the room in relief.

-

Reishin, fifteen minutes later, was STILL pacing up and down in front of Kijin's desk like a lion.

_A fire breathing dragon more like_, Kijin thought philosophically.

Already he could see flames rising. He pitied the poor man who'd got Reishin into such a state. It reminded him of the time someone had made advances on himself - and Reishin had thrown a jealous fit. He was just about to send out an assassin within the hour - only to be stopped by Shouka, who had been called in for damage control by Kijin himself.

"Ran. Shuuei." Reishin finally spat out.

Immediately Kijin began to estimate the cost of a Ran funeral - and who's budget it would be deducted from. Whether the Ran family would go to court for benefits...

_It would be a great tourist attraction... but also a blow to the Red Light district's income..._

_Ah well._

"What did he do?" Kijin asked coolly, lifting off his mask (to better massage a newly forming headache).

"Kouyuu..."

"Reishin - you are not making much sense," ventured his friend (now turned therapist). "Sit down and explain."

"Kouyuu's been walking... funny." Reishin threw himself down on the sofa pettishly.

"Errr..." Kijin blinked, wondering if he heard his friend aright. "Walking... funny?'

_This better be good..._

"Yes. Painfully -"

"He's been taking riding lessons with Ran Shuuei? Or took up a sport?"

_Hard to imagine... but more bizarre things have happened in Saiunkoku..._

"Hmmm..." Reishin's eyes gleamed over his fan - a perfect seething mix of anger, suppressed horror and lust. "More like... a ride - you know - in BED."

Kijin froze at the blatant insinuation.

_Am I the only one here who thinks this kind of a conversation is wrong and intrusive - and lacks... elegance? _

"If that's what's happening, I'll KILL HIM! What a brute! I heard women liked him but -"

"He swings both ways, I guess... Like the Emperor.."

"Don't even get me started on that brat. And don't tell me it's cute to see him so excited about Shuurei. He does NOT deserve my beautiful niece - not remotely!!!"

"Well, Shouka thinks he's fine..." Kijin pointed out slowly.

"Kijin."

"Right. Sorry."

"Still... I'm a fair man -"

Kijin snorted.

"What was that for?"

"What?"  
"Don't 'what' me!" Reishin pointed his fan accusingly at his friend. "You snorted, dammit!"

"Listen, Reishin," Kijin rolled his eyes at his friend's antics. "I think - not that you care about what I think -"

"Damn right!"

"But this needs to be broached with caution. Don't you think? Kouyuu is very independant and strong - and he takes care of himself easily enough."

Reishin tapped his fingers on the couch's armrest.

"Good point," he grudgingly acceded.

Kijin nodded and continued: "Furthermore, you don't want to make him defensive... perhaps you should talk to Shouka about this? Or talk to Kouyuu - ALONE. Not to tell him to stop or anything like that - but to give him advice."

Here, Kijin sat down on the couch and pushing the fan aside, brushed a finger against Reishin's bottom lip.

Reishin's cheeks flushed ever so slightly, as he pouted at his lover.

"He's an adult now - and should know what he's doing," Kijin said, sensibly, running a thumb along Reishin's cheek. "...enough of a man to pick whatever partners he so chooses - you HAVE given him the Talk of course - so it should be fine -"

"Talk?"

Kijin paused, his mouth inches away from Reishin.

"The Talk," he repeated, leaning back.

"What Talk?" Reishin blinked.

"The SEX Talk. You know - where you explain how things go..." Kijin looked horrified. "Don't tell me you never talked to him."

"Uhhh... I guess it fell through the cracks..." Reishin growled. "Stop laughing, dammit! What - the idiot could have come to me about it if he was troubled!"

"No child comes to the parent for instruction first -" Kijin chuckled. "Only precocious ones -"

"I DID!"

"My point is taken then -"

"Kouyuu is smart and curious!"

"Not about sex, apparently."

"I'm sure he's read about it somewhere -"

"I'm sure. And I don't think he's a virgin either... but when it comes to men... that's a whole different game. You remember your first time? You couldn't move for a whole day!"

Reishin glared, his face burning an even deeper red.

"I nearly KILLED you for that! No oils - nothing! Just remembering that! I -"

"Yes, well. It's over. And I think if you said something it'd help him to stop from making the same mistakes."

"What - I'm NOT going to - Kijin - you do it!"

"No. It's YOUR SON. If you want, rope in Kurou - or... Shouka," quickly added Kijin at the sight of Reishin's death glare (all clinginess gone).

"I'll think on it," Reishin said after a show of deep thought.

Kijin made a mental bet that Shouka would have his brother beating down his door that night.

-

He won it, too. That night, for supper, Shouka had a short quiet meal - with Kouyuu self-consciously eating (the meal HE had made) under the penetrating eye of his father. When Kouyuu mumbled his thanks and announced he was going to be out for the night, Reishin flicked his fan open and ordered his son to make him some MORE TEA - and:

"You're not going ANYWHERE tonight."

Sufficiently ominous for Kouyuu to pause and then, reluctantly, give in.

"Well, Reishin," sighed Shouka. "Don't you think that's... harsh?"

"It's for his sake," Reishin edged closer to his brother. "I need your help, aniue!"

"Eh?"

"It's about Kouyuu. I need advice!"

"Sure. What do you need?" Shouka sipped his stone cold tea thoughtfully.

_What could have gotten Reishin in such a fuss?_

"Ahhh! Anuie! You're too kind!" REishin flushed with excitement. "I don't know what to do - but Kijin said that it would be good for me to ask you this - you see... Kouyuu apparently needs - (here he lowered his voice to a conspiring whisper behind his fan) - THE TALK!"

Shouka sprayed his tea over the table, coughing as he swallowed the remainder into his lungs. Reishin helpfully pounded him on the back (gently of course), flourished a ready handkerchief and cleaned up the mess, while his older brother tried to regain his composure.

"T-talk?" Shouka repeated. "The Talk?"

"Yes - you see... all to day - he was walking funny. I think he was in pain - from - you know - I don't think he understands what he's gotten himself into... and without Kouyuu working properly - no work will get done!"

_Well... you could lift a finger_, Shouka sighed mentally. _But I guess old habits die hard. Kijin... you're lucky I'm not like Reishin..._

"Hmmm..." Shouka mused. "I think you shold be the one - you have the most experience in these matters."

Reishin was torn between horror and pride.

"Eh?"

"But I'll be here - right beside you! It's the least I can do..."

_I hope I'm not scarred by this..._

"Very well," Reishin acquiesed. "If you're here, aniue, it'll go so much better!"

Shouka didn't think so, but he nodded anyway.

"What will go better?" Kouyuu asked, appearing at Shouka's elbow.

"The TALK, young man," Reishin said adopting a high and mighty authoritative tone.

Kouyuu dropped the tray.

Shouka caught it with his lightning-speed reflexes.

"Idiot! You nearly destroyed Aniue's ONLY TEAPOT SET!" Reishin glared at his clumsy adoptive son.

Kouyuu sat down in his seat, mechanically.

"What kind of talk?" he asked with a voice full of dread.

"A talk about something all men your age should know -"

"Oh. That talk."

_Oh goodness... no... _Kouyuu blushed red. _Father isn't..._

-

"It became apparent to me today that you are lacking in sufficient, sophisticated education in the art of love-making."

"L-l-l-love-making?" stuttered Kouyuu.

"Sex, Kouyuu. Really - you need to pull yourself together. You might want to take notes on this too - because you're only going to hear this once!"

"Ah... once is fine for me," Kouyuu muttered, feeling like he was going to combust.

_This is NOT HAPPENING TO ME! This is NOT HAPPENING TO ME! This is NOT HAPPENING TO ME! This is NOT HAPPENING TO ME! This is NOT HAPPENING TO ME! This is NOT HAPPENING TO ME!_

"He's right, Kouyuu," Shouka smiled. "This is VERY important."

"I've - I don't need to be told how to do... it... I just don't like girls..."

"I'm not talking about girls here -" REishin flicked his fan open again, staring at Kouyuu's bent - and totally missing Shouka's sudden coughing fit.

Kouyuu froze.

_Shit._

"First off. Be picky about your partners. Don't pick tramps off the street - or idiots like that Ran Shuuei or the Emperor. Yes. Be careful of those idiots - they swing both ways you know... but that doesn't mean they know what they are about!"

"Dear me," Shouka winced - as Kouyuu bristled.

"Also - make sure you're at a good place. Stables, broom closets - archives - office desks - are all new and exciting places - but upping the ante isn't wise - if you understand what I mean. Do it in a place that is private AND comfortable. I know it's titillating to get it on in a possibly public place, where thrill is found in risk - but let me tell you - it is not wroth it."

"My... goodness... in the archives?" Shouka felt ill.

Kouyuu didn't feel any better.

"Make sure, thirdly," Reishin ticked off his finger. "That this person is CLEAN. And I don't mean, that they took a bath in the last week. The last thing I want is the shame of losing a son to some brothel illness. Besides, I'm too old to raise another son- and the whole estate would pass to Kurou and his idiot son. Do you want THAT? Of course not. Kurou is probably the most humourless person I had the pain of knowing."

"Well..." Shouka tried (and failed) to interject. "He's capable enough - and humor isn't your strong suit either..."

"You getting this?" Reishin asked his son.

"Yes," Kouyuu said shortly.

"Moving on then - to the act itself. I can only say one thing. OILS. Are you topping?"

Kouyuu couldn't even answer - some where between "the act itself" and "oils", his brain had shut down from shock.

"Well... why don't you just give him a quick run-down of BOTH positions?" Shouka intervened. "I think.. that's too personal a question to ask, Reishin."

_Not to mention, I DON'T want to know - or have material for visual images of Kouyuu doing ANYTHING!_

Reishin nodded.

"Hmmm... good point as always, aniue. I can just see him in both -"

"Err..." Shouka sweatdropped.

"You don't have to visualize it -" Kouyuu found enough of a voice to growl.

"Whatever," shrugged Reishin. "Basically - make sure he stretches you with his fingers first and that he oils himself - and you very well. That way, the pain is minimized. Kijin and I -"

Reishin glared at Shouka and Kouyuu who had covered their ears reflexively.

"What?"

"Reishin... why don't you talk about something else?" Shouka gasped. "I'm sure Kijin would appreciate you being a little discrete."

"Very well," Reishin shrugged. "One thing I learned is the importance of finding a proper rhythm. That is another way to control the pain - AND the enjoyment. Slow and steady is the safest, and ultimately, most fruitful. Understand?"

"Yes. Got it," nodded Shouka and Kouyuu.

"Hmmmm... trying to think of anything else - do you have any questions?"

Shouka: "..."

Kouyuu: "No."

"Good. I'm glad I got this talk over and done with. If I'd known this was a must, I'd have done it MUCH earlier. Now, Kouyuu knows what to do - he can be back to work with 150 percent power!"

"Reishin -"

"Yes, brother?"

"Nothing," sighed Shouka, realizing Reishin would never understand.

"What - tell me! You can be honest!" begged his brother.

Kouyuu wandered off in shell-shock, barely managing a civil "thank you" and "goodnight".

"What an ingrate," Reishin sniffed.

**OWARI!**

**Epilogue:**

_I'm gonna kill him -_

_No._

_I'm gonna kill Shuuei - rushing it wasn't a good idea! Damn him!_

_And what do I get because of it?_

_THE TALK!_

"Kouyuu! Lost again?" A cheerful voice jolted the Secretary out of his angry thoughts.

"AHHHH!"

_The devil himself._

"Missed me?" Shuuei leaned in for a quick kiss. "Or still angry?"  
"Still VERY ANGRY!"

"Ohhh?" Shuuei looked appropriately penitant. "How can I make it up to you?"

Kouyuu's face lit up - and a crafty look shifted onto his face.

"Oh... I know what you can do for me."

"Sure! Anything for Kou-chan!"

"It's KOUYUU, bastard! Who's your "-chan" anyway?"

"So what is it?" Shuuei's arm wound around his lover's waist.

"You can guess -" Kouyuu leaned forward and nipped the man's ear lobe. "But you'll be working hard - you've got alot to make up for!"

"Mmmhmmm..." Shuuei reluctantly pulled away from a deep, tongue-twisting kiss. "Your wish is my command."

"Damn right..."


End file.
